AAAAHHHHHH!!!!

Oh my, oh my, oh my. Do you moms out there ever have those days (or weeks) where you just feel so completely overwhelmed that you just want to cry? I do. I'm going through that crapiness right now. Allow me to vent (be forewarned - much of this stuff is nothing new to other mommies...):

Ugh. Do you ever have those days where you just feel like you need to cry? Did I already say that? It's cathartic, I know, so I look at it as my body's way of telling me that I need a release. Even though I did freakin' yoga last night. Anyway, ever since Jillian became extremely mobile, it's become so much more difficult to get stuff done. I feel like I ALWAYS have something on the list to do. My good friend, Meg, suggested the momAgenda book, which, even after 2 days, has been such a help! In another way, though, it's kinda bad - I find myself writing down all the things I need to do. The crappy thing about this is that it's tangible evidence of all that is left.

Unending laundry to be sorted, folded, and/or hung; never-ending dishes; constantly sweep and swiffer the floors for crawling baby; clean high chair and tray 3 times a day; make necessary phone calls and e-mails; workout (yeah, right); take shower (ditto); put on makeup (HA!); brush teeth (let's not go there...never fear, friends - I DO brush my teeth. Just doesn't always seem to happen in the morning. Usually right before I leave the house to see one of you nice people); let's see, what else...oh yes, blog when I have time. I know it's not necessary, but at this point, I kinda feel like it is - it's how I keep track of what's going on, b/c I sure as hell haven't whipped out the baby book in a while. And scrapbooking has been put on hold for the last 4 months. Anyway, my blogging has been slowed down because of the stupid phone people, who damaged the line and we didn't have internet for the last 4 days. Now i'm behind on blogging. And SO much has happened with Jillian in those 4 days. more than normal. of course.

Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, the list - make sure munchkin gets to try enough table food - cut up said food into pieces that are a safe size; strip her down before meals; wipe her down after meals (she fights this big time). Grocery shopping, errands. Get sunscreen on Jillian before outings. Which brings me to another point. The freakin' hot weather! I know we got some sprinkles tonight, but seriously, Texas weather is ridiculous. I think I'm fairly warm-natured, so when the thermostat hits about 77-78 (80 today!), I get a little irritable. What I described to Richard this afternoon was this: Late afternoon is/can be Jillian's fussy time. What I mean by this is that something like the Jumperoo or Exersaucer or baby jail is completely unacceptable to her (um, it usually is for at least a couple of minutes, but in the late afternoon, the fussing doesn't stop). So if I need to put her in one of these places so as to get something done, she just fusses. And it's freakin' hot in the house. And I'm starting to sweat and get irritable. And pray to God that Richard gets home soon.

Is it possible for me to be bitchier? Probably, but le's not go there.

Yes, yes, poor me. I'm having a pity party, and you're invited.

But the strange thing is that as bad as today was, it was also one of the best days I've had as a mommy. Maybe it's the roller coaster of emotions that is taking effect in a big way?

As I was saying, today was also a good day. Lately, I've been taking down the baby jail gate and letting Jillian roam more freely (maybe this is contributing to my increased stress level). It's fun - she loves to crawl, and it's hilarious, because she kind of grunts/pants as she crawls. It's like she's working really hard to go really "fast" - she LOVES to be chased. She'll look back at me like, "are you going to get me?" And then I'll get down and crawl, too. And she'll go faster. And then I'll stop and wait for her to look back at me. When she does, she is so funny - she looks like, "oh crap! I'd better haul booty!" Anyway, we had fun doing the chasing thing today. So much that despite all of my sweeping/swiffering efforts, Jillian ended up with her legs and feet being a little stained with dirt. And what looks to be a little blister/place rubbed too much on the floor on her big toe. :(



Did you see the dirt? I swear that I clean house. She crawls so much that I think it's inevitable...right? Please say yes. Anyway, I finally had a good cry a little bit ago, and I guess this blog is finishing off the "release" that I needed. Don't even try to suggest other "releases" that take more energy, if you know what I'm talking about. So don't feel like it. I'm not saying ever, of course. Just saying that at times like these, a mom just needs to be alone. To read. To stare. To just be.

News from the OB-GYN

Well, I've been having a lot of pain lately. In my back and upper abdomen. I could go on and on about the pain, but let's just put it this way: I've slept on the loveseat b/c I couldnt' get comfortable in bed; and I can easily say that this pain I've had multiple times is far worse than any back labor/contractions I had when Jillian was born (mainly because it's continuous, usually for hours - no breaks like with contractions). Last night, my Dad came over after midnight so that we didn't have to wake up Jillian when Richard was going to take me to the ER. Fortunately, the pain subsided long enough for me to fall asleep, so we didn't go to the ER.

Anyway, yesterday, I also saw a gastroenterologist about the pain, and he suspected gallstones. His office lined up an appt. at Presbyterian Hospital of Plano for tomorrow morning at 8am - to do an ultrasound to see if I have gallstones. However, after the excrutiating pain I had last night, I called his office this morning to see if there was ANYTHING I could do for the pain in the interim. I also put in a call at my mom's office (ob-gyn) to see if they knew of anything. Well, she called back before the gastroenterologist, and said that their sonographer could see me today to see what was going on, so that we could get the ball rolling sooner.

While I was in the waiting room, I found out that the other doctor had called in pain killers for me (THANK GOODNESS!!!)

But anyway, I went in to the room, got the jelly on my upper right side (weird to be getting a sono again!), and sure enough, I have multiple gallstones! In fact, I have a "large stone in the neck of the gallbladder, measuring 16 mm" and I honestly can't read everything else she wrote in the report, but suffice it to say, there are more gallstones than just the "large" one, and the pain I've been experiencing (around an hour after lunch and dinner...that goes on for HOURS) isn't unjustified - WHEW!

Apparently, it's not uncommon for women to get gallstones after pregnancy. Something about estrogen levels. I'm sure it didn't help that I'm still losing about a pound each week, as "rapid weight loss" of any kind can also contribute to formation of gallstones, because the liver can't handle it or something. Not that 1 pound/week is rapid, but it's something and it's continuous (knock on wood - still have about 17-18 pounds to go till my goal...although I'm already 7 pounds under pre-pregnancy!). The weird thing is that gallstones are also related to eating lots of high fatty foods and stuff, which I don't really do now, so I'm attributing it to the pregnancy thing (mom says she's seen it in their office a decent amount).

So now, the search is on for a general surgeon to remove my gallbladder (the gastroenterologist will confirm that this is what I need to do next Monday, hopefully). Apparently, this surgery is usually done laparoscopically now, which makes recovery much quicker, so that's good.

Anyway, that's the news from the ob-gyn. Was it what you thought it was? ;)